Listen to “Smallest Penis in the Empire Contest Awards” on Spreaker.
Well, let’s get the party started. Absolutely. Welcome to femdom Fridays, you can find us live every Friday night at 9pm Eastern Standard Time in the Enchantrix Empire discord server, but you must be 18 or older to join us.
You can listen to the replay every Saturday on your favorite podcast platform. And tonight we’ve got a very special show planned for you. We are hosting the smallest penis in the Empire contest award show tonight.
Contestants from all over the empire are duking it out for the dubious honor of having the smallest penis in the empire. And we have some very special guests tonight and I’m really excited for you to meet them. I think the best way to do that is to go round Robin style for some introductions, and ladies, you can just let them know who you are, and we’ll be posting links about where we can find you.
And we’ll start with. Let’s go with Duchess willow. Hello, this is Duchess willow and you can find me on my blog.
Ebonyfemdomphonesex.com and you can find me on Twitter. It’s at Duchess willow underscore and yes thank you that’s my blue sky and chat Duchess willow that the sky that social. Beautiful.
Excellent. And what about mistress hunter take it away. Sorry I hit the button twice in rapid succession so I am muted and then you did again.
You can find me on mistress hunter on intelligentfantasies.com, and on cumeatingfantasies.com, and technically I’m on X or Twitter at Empress hunter. I don’t get on there all that much but you can definitely find me on my blog and you can always email me. I am very responsive to emails, and that’s it.
Beautiful. And what about mistress Audrey. Hi, this is mistress Audrey.
And you can find me on my blog at adultphonesexchat.com. Oh, you got me Miss Michelle. Thank you. And yeah, that’s the best place or on enchantrix Empire.
Brilliant. What about you Miss Krista. Hello everybody I am Miss Krista, and I am just going to drop all my stuff right there into chat and that’s where you can find me on sex fetish blog.com and on.
Beautiful. And what about Mr. Stephanie. Mr. Stephanie is a kinkyphonesexcalls.com. I am very responsive to emails and I also play around on Twitter at Empress Stephanie and blue sky social Empress Stephanie dot blue sky dot social and the enchantrix Empire.
Brilliant. And what about Princess Andy. Hello.
Hello. Hi everybody. Andy and you can find me over at phonesexblog.com. Perfect.
And goddess Michelle. What about you. Hello, I am your melodious masturbate tricks goddess Michelle, I’m going to drop my credentials in the chat and if you all ever want to, you know, you can send me an email as well.
That email address is Michelle m e s h e l l e at enchantrix Empire.com. I’d love to. And then we’ve got our mistress of the month mistress Erica. Well, thank you Miss Becky and everyone I am mistress Erica you do have a few more days to get your five free.
But a big shout out to my ignore slave who is serving me in a box under my desk as we speak. Check me out at intelligentphonefantasy.com or the weekly hotspot on your favorite podcast app. I love that.
And Harper. I have a blog fetish phone set blog. All of my stuff is over there and you can find because I am everywhere.
I’m ubiquitous. Great word. Indeed.
And last but not least mistress Bianca. Hello, I am Miss Bianca, and you can find me a kinkyphonefantasy.com. Bianca at enchantrix Empire.com for emails. Thank you.
All right, I want to give a shout out to our audience we have tonight with us. 123 john Demi owns me. Jay Hodge 88.
Hallie LDW pet just had a loser boy. Matt. We’ve got Patty with us.
Keep my new screen name Patty. We got piggy 6369. Sitting bowl.
We’ve got Tina Aaron. And, yeah, we’ve got a full house tonight I’m really excited about what we got planned. So, I think I want to hear from the ladies who joined the smallest penis and the umpire judging panel.
But before we get there, let me tell you, you can find me, Miss Becky at intelligentphonesexcalls.com on Twitter at as Miss Becky in chance, and you can find me on discord as LDW Becky. But ladies, what inspired you to join the smallest penis and Empire judging panel. And we will start with Duchess Willow.
Um, that’s easy I love humiliation. That’s not the only thing I love but if I tell you everything that I love that makes me tingle. We will be here all night long.
So I do love humiliation. I love humiliation. I love SPH and an opportunity to make the boys compete for us for our attention is always a plus and laugh at them for their shortcomings.
That’s right. I love that. What about Mistress Audrey.
I was just laughing at Miss Willow mentioning shortcomings. Yeah, I love SPH, and I think that all the guys who enjoy it. They get so into it that I just figured this would be a lot of fun to be part of so I’m just glad to be here tonight with all of you.
Excellent. Fantastic. And how about Miss Krista, what inspired you to join.
Well, I just thought it’d be a lot of fun. It would be very humorous it’s kind of like when you see a train wreck, you have to stop and look. And this is kind of the same thing for me this is this is my entertainment.
This is my train wreck to look at. That’s right. Mistress Stephanie, what to say you.
I was definitely in need of a good laugh and thought being entertained by some callers extraordinary shortcomings was exactly what I needed. And it did not disappoint. I love that.
And our actual the creator of this year’s smallest penis in the Empire contest Princess Andy, what inspired you to create it. You’re on mute Andy. Okay, finally got on mute.
Okay. You know, little penises fascinate me, I just, I like, I like to laugh at them. And I remember in North Carolina.
No one made us talking to somebody and I thought, well, I wonder how I could come up with a small penis contest. And I. And here we are. And thank you everybody.
Because the guys that entered did not disappoint. They did not, they did not. We had some great contestants this year.
Yeah. So thank you for that. All right.
And what about you got us Michelle what inspired you to join the tiny peen contest. Honestly, I just love putting people that identify as men who have penises in their place. So you wouldn’t necessarily even need to have a small penis for me to do that.
But this was a perfect opportunity to do it and do it publicly. So, I couldn’t say no. I love that.
And what about you, Mr. Sarah, what inspired you to join. Well, two things. Little guys always try harder.
And I need some gossip for my girlfriends. I bet you I’m the only one that’s seen that littlest peen who won. Right.
That was very small. That was. I’m excited.
I’m excited about. Yeah, right. The winning loser.
Beautifully put. And last but not least, Mrs. Harper, what inspired you to join the smallest penis contest. Look, I just really like to laugh.
And there’s nothing that’s more hilarious than really, really, really. They’re so cute and tiny, tiny little things. They’re adorable.
You have to laugh. And, you know, life is short. I needed a good laugh.
Oh, yeah. So. I guess the next question on everybody’s mind is what surprised or delighted you the most about this year’s small penis contest.
Did anything exceed or underwhelm expectations? There weren’t enough tiny hats on penises. I was really kind of sad about that. Like, that was the only thing that I was sad about.
More costumes. Yes, exactly. Tiny hat cosplay.
Next year, we’ll have to work on that. Yes, I think we should do the best costume next time. We should.
We should. We really we have to ask for what we want. Right.
Like that’s just a principle of the universe. We have to put it out there and ask for what we want. And in the spirit of doing exactly that, googly eyes.
Yeah, it’s so bad. We have done it before and it’s a blast. And with you ladies, it’s going to be even better.
We have to do this. Yes, yes, yes. Yes.
Googly eyes and a fedora. Mustache, too. No one used any body paint.
I noticed that. Yeah, no capes. Well, Jez kind of did.
He kind of did use some marker. Sharpie’s not quite the same as body paint. Because this was wonderful.
They could have body painted themselves blue and put a little red hat on it and called it poposper. Come on. Or little fairy wings.
Any of that would have been so much fun. Oh, the fairy wings are perfect. Fairy wings and some pixie dust.
Oh, shit. That would have been great. Right.
Missed opportunities. Kind of seems like a shame here with small penises. I think a five inch costume did that would have won.
Absolutely. That’s true. That’s true.
We were costume starved. We really just want the entertainment. Just remember that.
You exist for our pleasure. I love what Patty put in the chat. They could have body painted an image of Pinocchio around it so that your penis is the nose.
Then share that and show that you’ve been very honest all of your life. Ideas for next year, fellas. That is great, Patty.
I’m sorry. Smaller penis than Becky said that. That’s right.
Never forget it. I love that. We also got some entries from our contestants that we want to share with you as well.
Can I get Duchess Willow to read the first entry? Yes, you can. Can you hear me okay? We can. All right.
Perfect. So this entry is from Peewee. And the question is, what is your most embarrassing experience with your tiny penis? And they said only one.
Being made to wear panties on vacation several times, both at the beach and the pool is up there. So is the time my ex called after me from the shallow end of the pool at the resort and waved her pinky finger at me in front of everyone. When I looked over at her, she never let me live down the fact that we did that at so many places and would say things like, how does it feel to be remembered as the guy who was running around in panties that week? Because they absolutely do not look like a men’s bikini bathing suit.
And your little femcock looks very small in them. Femcock is inspired. That’s so good.
Femcock is a brilliant inspired name. Now, we also have prizes to give away for tonight. And we have come to that time that we are going to announce our second runner up.
And we have Princess Andy here to do the dirty deed. Take it away, Princess. Okay, so I am pleased to announce that our second runner up is, I have a kazoo.
Would it be all right if I just made a little noise before I made the announcement? Yes. Oh, God, yes. Jumped and jacked.
Congratulations. Yay. Congratulations.
And Andy, while we have you, can we go ahead and have you read the next entry from our next contestant? Yes. And this is from Ariana84. My first experience with small penis humiliation wasn’t my last.
And I didn’t realize what it had awakened in me. I found myself in a rabbit hole of a big black cock like Mandingo. And Shane Diesel, pummeling, tiny, white pussy.
Now, years on, I have accepted my position. And grown to accept the pecking order, if you will. I know I don’t measure up and that women need something more fulfilling.
And I tried what I can. I started falling deeper into a rabbit hole of small penis humiliation. The rejection turned me on more and more.
I started with phone sex and found a mistress who would name me Ariana. She locked me in, chastity, held the key, and reminded me of how small and worthless my cock is. Outside of my professional persona, I was Ariana.
What’s that? Am I being pulled off the stage? No. Okay. I’m sorry, I lost word.
Okay, so she held the key and reminded me of how small and worthless my cock is. Outside of my professional persona, I was Ariana, dressed in pink and encouraged to be a sissy slut. I loved every minute of it.
I begged my mistress to hold a party where I could assist. A party that she and her friends could see my small cock and judge it and tell me what I was actually good for. That’s great.
I wonder what they told her. That’s right. Good for amusement.
Yes. I would think. Exactly.
Tiny cocks aren’t useless. They’re wonderful entertainment. They brighten you up.
They bring a smile to our faces. A delight. Sometimes you just need a good belly laugh.
Size comp a tiny cock with a big black one. There you go. Yes, that’s so true.
Ladies, what were some of your favorite entries this year? I’m a big fan of the tiny hat, the little Santa hat. That was great. That was my favorite too.
I was a little disappointed with the package under the Santa hat. And, again, just shout out to Jizzhead for the artwork, which made viewing that little thing that much more enjoyable. Absolutely.
You can keep your hat on. You’re welcome, kitties. I liked the really micro, micro, micro penis.
Which one? There were so many. I know, right? It was like, wow. There really were.
They really do come in extremely tiny. You might say the competition was stiff. The competition was hard to see.
Very hard. I mean, I’m still shocked that penises come in innies, because I really didn’t think that was a thing. Right? But now I know.
It was very edgy. Like a belly button. Just like a belly button.
Innies, right, instead of outies, where I was just like, wow, I didn’t know that. I mean, there was one that was, like, inverted just on its own, all by itself. You’re too like that.
Absolutely. Yeah. Or the little indicator on the turkey that pops out to let you know it’s done.
That’s what one of them looked like to me. I was like, oh, I guess he’s done. Oh.
That one should have used a micrometer to actually measure. Yes. Micrometer.
I love that. That is inspired, Bestie. Thank you for the turkey gifts in the chat.
I also had one of my own pets join the contest this year. And here’s what he had to say about one of his most embarrassing small penis humiliation moments. And this is from my little butt slot.
The most entertainment moment. Excuse me. Let me start again.
The most embarrassing moment for me with little cocky. That’s what he calls his little guy was a cock rating on OnlyFans. The content creator was being very nice and trying to make sure that I wanted to hang out round after I sent my dick pic.
And she took a few minutes to record her response. The response started with, oh, honey. And she went on to let me know that my rating was 5.5. I was more than five because she felt like she could do anything with little cocky without too much effort, especially, quote unquote, deep throating.
I fucking love that. All right. So there were some really great contestants this year, and I very much enjoyed going over their pictures.
And I was curious if this were a personality over penis contest, who would have taken the crown based on their pictures alone? Small penis jumping jack gets my vote 100%. Like you did that with the little Santa hat. Thank you.
Yes. Yeah. And the little face.
And he drew a little face on it. The face was actually really good. It was.
I agree. I had a lot of personality made up for, you know, the lacking and, you know, actual cock. Seems like they may have been practice on doing that design.
Well, I kind of like Giseline. I mean, she was really showing her LDW colors, wasn’t she? Yes, she was. I love I heart LDW SPH.
That was quite entertaining. It gave me something else to look at first until I found the little button. Hell yeah.
Draw your eyes right to us. Appeal to the judges. I like that.
Yes. Good job. Shamelessly do it.
Which is what we love here, right? When the sluts are shameless. Even the tiny dick ones. Hell yes.
No shame. Shame is useless. Show us what you got.
Or don’t, as the case may be. To quote Krista, fuck puritanism, show us your tiny dick. Yes.
That’s right. Absolutely. Don’t be shy now.
You’ve actually showed it to other women and got laughed at probably. The nerve to show that to other women. The nerve.
The ones that I love is the ones that think that everything is all right. That it’s big enough. The ones that kill me are the ones that lie.
The ones that are like, listen, I’ve got an eight inch penis. And then they send you the picture and you’re like, bitch. Cock fish, as our friend Demi would say.
Cock fish. I’ve got a 14 inch cock. No, you don’t.
You have a lot. Embracing. One of my all time favorites.
Oh, I’m going to give you eight inches of dick tonight. Perfect response. Oh, you’re going to fuck me four times.
Fucking. There’s no penetration. No, that’s lip tickling.
I think we’ve already discovered that, right? Yes. Lip ticklers. Lip tickling virgins.
Yes. Yep. Oh, that’s the one that just breaks their hearts too.
When you tell them that they’re still a virgin. Oh, I’ve had sex. No, you haven’t.
Well, you might’ve had sex, but she didn’t. That’s right. I like that.
Well, we have another entry from a small peen wonder. Can I get goddess Michelle to read the next entry? You sure can. And this entry comes from yay, small penis jumping jack.
And his entry goes as follows. Are you also a fast comer? Small penis jumping. Jack says over my years of having sex, I have become extremely adept at kind of Lingus.
Good boy in learning and mastering the skill. I have noticed that many partners would enjoy oral sex. Thoroughly replete with moaning and thrashing and occasional squirting.
And I also have noticed that whenever it came time for intercourse, My partners took on more of a quiet contemplative mood. Looking up at me. Maybe a little bored, but smiling or saying, is that good for you? Sometimes looking down at our genitals, watching me go in and out with a quizzical side-eye or an almost pity smile.
Oh, eventually I thought, let me make the whole experience for her. So she doesn’t get bored waiting for me to finish during intercourse for the past six months. I have been mastering premature ejaculation as a goal through careful strategic tracking and practice.
I have gotten my average time from first penis touching to ejaculation from one and a half minutes down to about 18 seconds. When I told my partner, she couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually she paused to say, I can’t believe you used to be proud that you lasted only two minutes.
Two minutes was your max. As she laughed, I literally remembered that I spent months training to last long with Mr. Scarlett because I wanted to win an Enchantrix Empire stroke-a-thon. And I came pun intended in last place because I ejaculated 20 seconds into the first mistress’s teas.
So yeah, even in my stud days, I was ejaculating in record time. Thank you for that entry, jumping Jack. That was incredible.
That was amazing. That was genuinely perfect. Oh, that’s funny.
That was awesome. Yes. Do you guys want to know who our runner up is? Princess Andy, can you go ahead and announce who our runner up is? Princess Andy, you’re on mute.
Oh no. You finally got there. That’s perfect.
Let me unmute. Okay. So I’m excited.
And I have my kazoo ready. So are you ready for who is second place? I said your name, right? But congratulations. Yay.
Congratulations. Yay. You did that.
You came up short. Michelle, that was funny. Yes.
Smallest person in the room. That’s excellent. Congratulations.
I won second place for the smallest penis of Enchantrix Empire in 2026. That’s you, Giseline. Exactly.
Congrats on being the first loser. You did it. That’s so great.
So listen, I think that there are a lot of people who may not quite get the joke of small penis humiliation, although we are laying them down like you wouldn’t believe. Ladies, what are some misconceptions that you think exist regarding small penis humiliation that you want to take the opportunity to address here? Some people seem to think that small penis humiliation is all about shaming people for a physical shortcoming they have, and it’s not. Shame doesn’t really have very much to do with what we’re doing.
This is erotic humiliation. The people who like it cough on it. They enjoy it.
We enjoy it. Everybody’s having a good time. This isn’t about shaming somebody.
Shame is a social control to change behavior and make sure people all stay in line together. This isn’t about, this is about, you know, calling you a dirty fucking slut with a tiny little dick. Yeah.
And it’s not only reserved for people with or people with small penises either. And it’s not just reserved for men. There are tons of people that are, you know, trans who enjoy this, enjoy, you know, being made aware of their tiny pain in their little panties.
And even the larger pains, you know, or average pains, you can have a lot of fun with small penis humiliation with them. Just reminding them that there’s always someone bigger, always somebody with a better stroke game, always somebody better than you. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to be better.
Yeah. Cause for me, that’s what BDSM is all about. What BDSM is all about.
It’s just pointing out these things. Yeah. It’s just, it’s a game.
It’s a fantasy. It’s, it’s very, very consensual. Like it would be shameful if it wasn’t consensual.
If you just walked up to some random guy and was like, Hey, you, you got a little dick. Don’t king shame me. That’s my jam.
Walking up to guys and tell him he’s got a little dick. Dude. That’s right.
In your pants is just disappointing. God. What is that? A pair of socks in there.
That’s fucking great. Can’t possibly. What is that little man? One of the favorite analysis that I did with kinkology was on the small penis humiliation, where I likened basically the response to a threat.
So, right. The threat is, Oh no, my penis isn’t big enough. And the response to a threat can be, you go into your fight response, which is, you know, you would become a generally unpleasant person.
You can go into your flight response and run away from things. You can go into your freeze response and just do nothing. And just kind of, you know, freeze and dissociate, or you can very adaptively go into your fond response, become a cute little people pleaser.
Right. And bring the masses entertainment. And that gets you all the yummy, like social desirability points that you would want to get.
So it, what I love about small penis humiliation is it’s very adaptable. And then the other thing that I have to say is that I do a lot of work with shadow work, which is about bringing the shadows of yourself to light, to your consciousness so that they can’t like, you know control you from the dark. And I just feel like embodying that type of cultural shame in a very accepting, warm, consensual dynamic can actually help resolve the issue rather than make you feel worse.
So that’s just a couple of things that I love about small penis humiliation. Hell yeah. I love that you bring up shadow work as part of it.
That’s wonderful. It’s almost a celebration of the fact that your dick is too small. Instead of it being a bad thing, it becomes a thing that we share together and we laugh about and it’s funny and hilarious and you get off on it.
Right. And I just think there’s something incredibly hot about a group of gorgeous women, you know, banding together to have a good time at a small penis’s expense. You think it would be at their expense, but they’re actually like living it up and enjoying that moment.
Because they’re the center of attention. And I just love providing that experience whenever we can. And Becky, when you mentioned shadow work, it made me think of that tool song.
If any, if there are any tool fans in here, raise your hand. But there’s a song talking about getting in touch with your shadow. Yes.
I knew it. I knew there was going to be at least one. Glad it’s you, Betsy.
But you know, that song is awesome. It’s about getting in touch with your shadow, being honest with yourself and facing those little dark parts of yourself. Because for some people having this tiny dick is like the worst thing in the world, but honestly it can be the best if you just embrace it and you’re honest about it.
You can have a great time. Thank you, 46 and two. That’s the name of the song.
So y’all drop that in there. Y’all know me. Nice.
Well, we have another most embarrassing moment from a contestant that we want to share with you. Can I get Ms. Harper to read the next entry? Absolutely. And what’s really great.
This one is from Jizzy. Hey, just lean girl answering the question. What is your most embarrassing experience with your time? And of course he said, it’s tough to pick just one, but the top contender is the time.
I tried owning a penis pump. I was desperate to add some size. So I bought one secretly and used it a few times when my wife was out.
It felt exciting at first, some temporary swelling made it look a little bigger, but I panicked about her finding it. Our house is very organized and I’m terrible at hiding things. So I threw it away after like three sessions, the real embarrassment hit later.
I realized the pump was pointless because even pumped up, it was still tiny compared to what most women really want. And then came the guilt spiral, hiding it from my wife of 20 plus years, jerking off to enlargement fantasies. While knowing I’d never measure up now, I enjoy locking myself in the stainless steel model S 75 cage from house of denial.
And I like to wear it out for special occasions with my wife or secret phone sex sessions with a mistress from LDW. I love that. Always a pleasure to hear from Jizzy.
Yes. She really is. I love that.
Now, if you guys could give some advice to somebody who is curious about exploring small penis humiliation as a sob, what would it be based on your expertise? Keep an open mind. That’s like the big one. And also, you know, work on getting a little bit of a tougher skin because some of the things that we say, they’re all met in like good fun.
Some of them are even sexy, depending upon the way that we say them. And be honest, right? Be honest saying, Hey, this has got my attention. Where do I go from here? And we can walk you right through your paces from sensual teasing to, oh my gosh, where is my ego? I mean, it just went out the window, right? Ladies.
Yes. And honestly, on a personal note, I would say that. If something lands sideways on you.
Like that is what I would call kind of like a crucial conversation to have. With somebody that can actually kind of resolve issues going forward that can actually be useful in your own life to just kind of like, hey, by the way, I didn’t like that particular thing. And then you kind of update your knowledge and move on with a better understanding.
I love that Becky and there’s nothing that says that we can’t use a safe word in these types of engagements as well. Right. Yes.
Oh, absolutely. Tiny works real good as a safe word. No, please, goddess.
That works good. Yeah. Trust and communication really help.
One hundred percent. Which is what we’re here for to establish trust through communication. Absolutely.
Yes. We’ve got you. We promise we won’t hurt you that bad unless you want it.
And then there’s, you know, after care after you’re hurt. Evil laugh just took me out. I do enjoy little nubbins, that’s for sure.
Mind you, but for other reasons. Fucking brilliant. So let’s go ahead.
No, no. I was just going to say I’ve been a very lucky girl. I’m sorry.
I have never actually had to suffer through some of this. So it’s a lot of fun. Thank you, fellas.
What? You’ve never been cockfished. Oh, you are lucky. I am lucky.
The smallest was just a little over five and a half. Ended up cuckolding at his insistence, which was a lot of fun and a learning experience. But everybody else has been all right.
All right. All right. All right.
All right. All right. Somebody’s got standards.
Yes. I got a good penis picker, I guess. Yes.
I had a friend that used to tell. She used to tell me that her picker was pickled and your picker is unpickled. Let’s hear about the first time the next contestant had somebody laugh at their itty bitty little clitty.
Can I get Audrey to read the next entry? Yes, this is from Dickless. Hi, Dickless. So he said that the first time someone laughed at his nub penis was, of course, many LDW mistresses have laughed long and hard and loudly at my dime sized nub of a clit.
But the first time was back in school. It was during the first time I ever made out with a girl. We were parked in my car at night, kissing and feeling each other up.
And she was rubbing the front of my pants and asking where it was. And why wasn’t I excited? The truth was, I was fully erect and excited, but it was too tiny for her to easily find. She eventually reached into my pants and pulled out what little was there.
And then her attitude changed immediately. And she asked, does it get any bigger? And as she held it with only two fingers, I prematurely ejaculated. Oh, no.
She’s not done. She laughed and laughed. And we kept laughing for what seemed like a very long time.
And finally, she told me to put it away and that it was time for me to drive her home. I never did get to see her naked, nor did she ever date me again. But I found out later that she told, Lorenz warned, all of her friends about my micro size and quick squirt.
It got back to me that I had been nicknamed Mighty Mouse by her group of friends. Mighty Mouse. That pathetic encounter was the last sexual and only sexual experience I had in school, as my reputation has been ruined.
That wasn’t the only thing ruined, according to that story. Ruined. Ruined.
Ruined. I love that the Mighty Mouse, what he says is, here I come to save the day. But it’s like, his come saved nothing.
Exactly. Here I come. It actually made it worse.
Willow. That is funny. Well, if you could only use one ridiculous nickname for a tiny penis for the entire session, what would win the crown and why? Oh, I love Lap Pinkie.
That’s my favorite. Nickenberry is a good one too. Lap Pinkie is inspired.
You want to Lap Pinkie swear with me? Who was it that put him? I also love Chicklet Stuck in Gum. That is cute. Who was it? I think it was Sitting Ball that came up with Schmeckle.
I love Schmeckle. A little tiny Schmeckle. Oh, mercy.
I’ve called him up. I’m going to drop a link for you all and everybody will get a kick out of this, I promise. There you go.
Just go peruse at your leisure. You’ll come up with some really good stuff. Ooh, Thimble Prick.
That’s another good one. That’s another good to say. Mankey? Mm-hmm.
Manplitty. Yeah. The Jonas Brothers, I love that one.
The Disappointment. Disappointment, just straight up tell it like it is. Tiny Tragedy.
Now come on, Tiny Tragedy. Now you just don’t get any better than that. That’s great.
So little it’s tragic. Fantastic. Well, let’s hear a little bit about our next contestant’s experience with being broken up with over the size of their little tiny little nub.
Mistress Erica. Oh, yes. This next entry comes from Small Penis Jumping Jack.
On a trip to Italy with my girlfriend, our tour guide one day went on and on about how the Renaissance statues of men have small penises because that was in vogue during the era. I chimed in and said, aren’t they just small because they’re flaccid? I mean, we don’t know how big they actually are until they’re erect. But the whole tour group pretty much said, no, sir.
These are small. That night, I said, I think they’re wrong to my girlfriend. And she said, honey, I think that maybe you might be, you know, a little smaller than you think.
This was my first inkling. Months later, we were having sex. Well, as we established.
He was having sex. And she kept asking for different positions and just kept crinkling her brow and thinking, hmm. Finally, she said, let’s try one more.
And within a minute, I asked if I could come. And she said, deeper. I held off and kept going.
But she said, deeper. God damn it. So I pushed as deep as my little guy could go.
Fucking damn it. Deeper, I said. And she grabbed my hips and yanked.
But she didn’t realize I was fucking maxed out. When I started ejaculating, she muttered, fucking Christ, pulled me out of her, stood up and walked out of the bath. Walk to the bathroom while I was desperately trying to salvage my ruined orgasm to the sound of her closing the door.
And turning on the vibrator. Later that night, while she was showing me something on her computer, I could see another window open with a list of sex positions. For the small penis.
That had all the positions we had just tried earlier. Next week, she arrived with a cock sheath to add to our toy bin. I was excited, assuming I could finally experience thrusting while she moaned and breathed deep.
And maybe even I made her cum. That was my embellishment. Sorry.
All ready to rock and roll. I plunged my sheathed cock deep inside of her fist of venus and start thrust. But after a moment, she said, hold on, hold on.
Take it out. I pulled out of her and she rolled over and I spooned her and asked, is everything OK? After a few moments of silence, she said. I don’t think I could do this anymore.
Within a week, she moved out in an effort not to hurt me too badly. She wanted to make it clear that she was incredibly happy with all aspects of our relationship. Almost.
But she couldn’t help reminding me that sex isn’t a lot, but it’s everything. End scene. Sorry for the embellishments.
Sex isn’t everything, but it’s everything, right? Yeah, sex isn’t a lot, but it’s everything. Yikes. Sometimes you just gotta walk the fuck away.
Bad sex? It’s not worth it. You don’t walk away from bad sex, you run. Wow.
Well, you guys, it’s finally that time, people. We are going to announce the winner of the smallest penis in the Empire contest. Princess Andy, take it away.
OK, OK. So I was thinking maybe we could all do it together after I do the. Zoo.
Zoo. Yeah. Thank you.
So like we can all say the first place winner together. Are you into it? Ready? Yes. I love that.
OK, so first I want to say thank you to all the ladies that participated. This is better. You’re all incredible and I’m honored to know you all.
So thank you. Thank you for that. And for everybody that entered, it was it was really great.
And thank you. So I’m going to do my little thing. One, two, three.
Thank you. Congratulations or I’m so sorry. And Nicholas has the penis had the size of a dime.
I’ve seen it. If you want to see it, hit up Wisconsin’s. I’m sure she’ll be happy to share with you ladies.
That’s right. It is genuinely, genuinely impressive how tiny it is. It’s very, very small.
Goes by the name Nicholas for a reason. Well, fun fact. Some of the ladies know this about Nicholas.
He circumcised. But when he went to a medical procedure, they asked, oh, can you. We’re going to have to pull back your foreskin.
That’s it. That’s spectacular. That is so excellent.
Oh, you guys, this has been an awesome, awesome show. And we are so happy to have had Ben Brown Fridays host the smallest penis and the Empire contest. Thank you, ladies, for coming out with us.
And before we go, I want to open the floor to any announcements, anything going on, anything you guys want to let people know. I don’t have an announcement, but I do want to say one thing towards Nicholas. When they talk about his foreskin, they weren’t actually pulling back foreskin.
It was just his hood. This is so much fun. I want to remind everybody, keep your eyes peeled because April 4th, there’s a really, really, really big announcement coming on the Daily Cock blog.
And you do not want to miss it. It’s going to be awesome. I’m so excited.
Lots and lots of fun. All the fun. And then shortly thereafter, we are having Mistress Charlotte come on for her very first hot seat.
And we have a lot of fun with Mistress hot seats. In case you haven’t participated before, there is a link right above the image that I just threw into the chat. That is where you would ask her any questions that you want to know and you submit your questions and the Mistress in the Mistress hot seat answers them live during the show.
Yay. So definitely submit your questions. That’s April the 10th.
Oh, April the 10th. That’s a special day. I think.
It’s the day before a special day. Yes. But the whole month, the whole month is mine.
You’re claiming it. I love it. It’s my whole month.
So do we get to sing to you? I hope. Yes. We’re definitely going to sing to you.
I’ve heard everybody here sing, although I won’t be included in on it. So that might help a little bit. I am a drummer for a reason.
Oh, the winners will be getting an email about how to redeem your teeny tiny prizes. Yeah. Check your inbox.
And also all the contestants are going to get an email with the special little audio that we put together. It’s a hot little number. You should enjoy that.
Hot little number. They did. Oh, you’re so good.
You’re right on the fucking ball. Excellent. So tonight was so fun and special.
Thank you guys all for coming and making this the show that, man, it was such a pleasure. Yes. This was awesome.
Go us. Yay. Absolute delight.
Thank you. Have a good night. Good night, everybody.
Good night. Bye.
